Futurama
S1E4: Love's Labors Lost In Space
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Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.
But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is--
Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard.
Then I've risked all and lost.
Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod.
If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.