Oh! Good. Oh, no! That one's slowin' down!
Oh, good. Oh, that one's wobbly.
Oh, you got that before I even said it.
What's new, pussycat
Ow, ow, ow, ow
What's new, pussycat Oh, God, no
Yeah!
Shazbot.
Hey! We stayed for your kids!
The dark lord Montymort!
Absorber of souls! Sucker of essence!
Ah, ah, ah, ah! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Ahh! jeez, Artie, wait. I don't know.
I mean, it was a beautiful evening. Let's not ruin it.
just this. Oh, Artie, please.
Come on. Kiss me. Oh, Artie.
Please. Really, I mean it !
Now, stop it !
I'm sorry, Marge. Take me home, Artie. Moe.
Moe, Moe...
Moe...
Moe, Moe...
Moe....
Moe, Moe...
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer. Till 1796 I was Hans Sprungfeld, murderous pirate.
And the half-wits of this town will never learn the truth.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
Oh, my God. Our town hero is a fraud. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say--
- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- What is this, a joke ?
- Ready, Mr. Simpson ?
- Yes, sir.
Send in the clowns.
So, Simpson, which one is it ? Don't get into an unlicensed taxi,
and remember, they have winter during our summer.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So in August, it's cold? That's right.
And in February, it's hot?
Mm-hmm.
So it's opposite land!
Crooks chase cops, cats have puppies--
No, Dad. It's just the weather. J Who iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dthp
J Marge iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp
J Who iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dthp
J Marge iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp Ah, this is some party. If it gets any livelier, a funeral's gonna break out.
Quiet, you. Nobody likes a comedian.
Geez! Come on, Dad, we got company. Make with the yakety-yak-yak.
Oh, yakety-yak-yak.
- You, food bag, do you have a son?
- Yes, sir, I do. The carnival!
We need money, fast. Well, well, well.
Looks like somebody's gonna have to do some yard--
It's carnival time! Here's money, kids. Take what you need.
Oh, boy! Free money! All right, free money! Whoa!
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Do, do, do, do, do
Do dee do dee do Well a "do dee do dee do" to you too, pint size.
Jeez, you get a lot of nutcases in here.
Oh, sir, I've seen things you can't imagine.
Hey, hey, hey. I hear you, buddy.
Whew. Full moon. Now, I know I haven't been the best Christian.
In fact, when you're up there "blah, blah, blah-ing,"
I'm usually doodling or mentally undressing the female parishioners.
Well, anyhoo, can I have $40,000?
Now, I know I haven't been the best jew,
but I rented Fiddler on the Roof, and I will watch it. I blather on for hours.
Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap,
yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.
There he is.
Krusty, we came to see how many campaign promises you've kept.
Uh, let's see.
Did I promise to be a slave to big oil?
No.
Well, then none. Flanders, you gotta help me!
Well, sure, buddy. I'd be happy to help out.
What can I do-diddly, do-diddly, doodily, diddly, doodily,
hoppity, hippity, hoppity, hippity, gooble, gobble, gooble, gooble, gabba, gabba, hey?
Huh? f Panting f
[Record Scratching f
J Who iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dthp
J Marge iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp
J Who iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dthp Moe...
Moe, Moe...
Moe....
Moe, Moe...
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer.
Hey, Homer. Hey, Homer.
Aaaaahh! Ho.
So, uh, Mr. New Guy, what do you think?
Is everything hunky-dory there?
Mr. Szyslak, your tavern is rife with health code violations.
You gotta be kidding me. Like what?
Well, for starters, the body of my predecessor is still on the floor.
Oh, yeah. Uh, well, you see, trash day ain't till Wednesday, so... Gee, everyone looks so happy. Indeed, Marge.
And, uh, now that I think of it, I wildly exceeded my authority,
and I declare the sugar ban over.
Can we, Mom? Can we? Please, please, please?
Oh, all right. But take Maggie with you. Three, four, pick up the floor Five, six, don't play tricks Seven, eight, clean your plate Nine, ten, start over again!
One, two, tie your shoe
Three, four, pick up the floor
Five, six, don't play tricks
Seven, eight, clean your plate
Nine, ten, start over again! Uh-oh. A cold wind.
Hello, kids. Everything above the board here ?
Good. Play friendly, children.
Uh-oh, there's your bell.
Come along, now, all of you. No dawdling, now.
I'll get you after school, man.
But--
No, no, no. He'll get you after school, son. Hell, yes !
Bart !
Hell, hell, hell, hell hell, hell, hell, hell Hell, hell, hell, hell Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school. Despite the sweltering heat, don't unroll your windows,
'cause those monkeys seem confused and irritable.
Hee-hee-hee! I pity those poor suckers on the freeway.
Gas, brake, honk. Gas, brake, honk.
Honk, honk, punch. Gas, gas, gas. J Marge iet her jugs outJ
.r Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp
J Who iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dthp
J Marge iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp
J Hah, hah, hah, hah Hah, hah, hah, hahJ And three, our six-term mayor,
the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking spend-o-Crat,
Diamond joe Quimby. Hey, I am no longer illiterate!
Now, why are we doomed to this Quimby quagmire, you ask, O Reasonable Listener?
Because this town is under the stranglehold of... What about my cat, Snowball ?
I'm sorry, but the answer is no.
Will there be cavemen in heaven ?
Certainly not.
Um, ma'am, what if you're a really good person,
but you're in a really, really bad fight...
and your leg gets gangrene, and it has to be amputated,
Will it be waiting for you in heaven ?
For the last time, Bart, yes ! Uh, listen, Homer, we'd love to help you,
but we're not really set up for lepers.
So you're shunning us.
No, no, no, no, no, no! I'm just thinking we could send you to a better place.
You know, a place where they could really take care of you. (GUNS COCKING)
Bart, two, three, four.
You put my dad in jail, flip, spin, twirl.
Milhouse, if you tell anyone, I'll tell the world you wet your pants watching Harry Potter.
I wasn't scared. I was just peeing!
Look, if you tell what I did, I'll get in trouble. Sorry. Sorry, Bart.
Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Maggie.
That does it. Children, get dressed. We're leaving.
Come on, Marge. You said you'd sleep on it.
I don't care what I said.
This family has had its differences and we've squabbled,
but we've never had knife fights before, and I blame this house.
Mom, Dad, look ! na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na
leader
na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na
leader
na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na
leader leader, leader batman i mean-- Leader I love the Leader. All right, read me back what I have so far, Mrs. Krabapatra.
"Bird, bird, giant eye, pyramid, bird."
Mm-hmm. Very good.
Uh, giant eye, dead fish, cat head, cat head, cat head,
guy doing this-- And I want to put something nice on the card, like, um--
Uh, "Renee, my treasure--"
Hey, shut up, or I'll ram a stool down your throat!
Uh, no. No, no. I don't want that on the card.
Well, let me hear how it sounds.
Nah, nah, take it out. Take it out. People ! What have I told you about encouraging him ?
When Bart wins approval for making a fool of himself, it makes him think that he's--
Yea, Bart !
Bart ! Bart ! Bart ! Bart ! Bart ! Bart ! Bart ! Bart !
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo !
"Nobody,
"of the hundreds of people that had visited the fair, a bunch of escaped, infected monkeys are roaming the expressway.
Despite the sweltering heat, don't unroll your windows,
'cause those monkeys seem confused and irritable.
Hee-hee-hee! I pity those poor suckers on the freeway.
Gas, brake, honk. Gas, brake, honk.
Honk, honk, punch. Gas, gas, gas. Yeah, that. It looked just like that.
Apu, say hello to Punam, Sashi, Pria,
Uma, Anu, Samdeep, Nabindu,
and Mama's clear favorite, Geet.
How did we get eight?
Apu, I must confess. Very good. You just earned yourself a Dr. Brown's.
Krusty, you know Diane, Stu, and Jeremy from the network.
Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Krusty, we've got some bad news.
We think you're super talented...
Oh, God! You're canceling me!
Krusty, Krusty, TV is a fickle business. You've had a good run. Put a little smile on his card, Smithers.
Already there, sir.
It's the Simpsons, sir. Well, if it isn't the Simps.
Uh, i-it's the Simpsons, sir.
Huh ? Oh, uh, oh, yes.
Homer and Marge Simpson.
Oh, and these must be Bart, Lisa and, uh, Expecting. Uh, m-me, sir ? Oh, no, not a chance. Only idiots drink beer.
Actually, I was wondering if you'd join me, my treat.
Oh, well, if someone of your stature can enjoy a beer,
maybe I'm all turned around on the subject.
- Wait, we're not having a drug test tomorrow, are we ?
- No.
Uh, vendor, two, please. Now, boys,
the network has a problem with some of your lyrics.
Would you mind changing 'em for the show? Forget you, clown.
Hey, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.
Well, okay. But here, where you say,
"What I got, you gotta get and put it in you,"
how about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you"? Uh, listen, Homer, we'd love to help you,
but we're not really set up for lepers.
So you're shunning us.
No, no, no, no, no, no! I'm just thinking we could send you to a better place.
You know, a place where they could really take care of you. Come on, Dad. Let's go bodysurfing or boogie boarding.
Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad who, you know, does things,
or says stuff, or looks at you, but the love is there.
Where are you? Give Daddy a clue.
Aw, that's my girl.
Okay, you just sit there and I'll throw the Frisbee to you. Duck, duck, duck, duck.
Duck, duck, duck, duck.
Duck, duck, duck, duck.
Say "goose," you stupid freak! J Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp
J Hah, hah, hah, hah Hah, hah, hah, hahJ
f Panting f
[Record Scratching f
J Who iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dthp
J Marge iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp Hey, Einstein, put down your reading.
- It's lunchtime.
- You go ahead.
Hey, you don't wanna eat? What you do, get one of them stomach staples?
As Tolstoy said in Quotable Notables,
"Give me learning, sir, and you may keep your black bread."
Who is that bookworm, Smithers? Homer Simpson, sir.
Simpson, eh? How very strange. That's what we learned about.
I sure as hell can't tell you about hell unless I say "hell," can I ?
The lad has a point.
Hell, yes !
Bart !
Hell, hell, hell, hell hell, hell, hell, hell Hell, hell, hell, hell Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school.
Don't swear ! Whoo-hoo! Oh, Marge, that's great news!
Hey, hey, there with the personal call, Simpson!
Oh, uh, but, Mr. Milhouse, my little girl's getting married.
Lisa? Oh, my one true love.
It's not you, Milhouse. I just don't plan to ever get married. Oh, boy, free beer!
Oh, man. (CHUCKLES)
Easy, Barney. Easy.
Remember the 12 Steps.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,11,12.
(GRUNTS)
Nice try, boys. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!
My friend, your jacket, she burns.
Then I burn with her.
For I would rather die than have people not know what stores I have been to.
Yay! Ah ! Oh, yes. Uh, oh, and this must be your lovely wife, Marge.
Oh, and look at little, uh, Lisa.
Why, she's growing like a weed.
And this must be, uh, Brat.
Bart.
Don't correct the man, Brat. Oh, boss, look what we brought-- gelatin desserts. J Hah, hah, hah, hah Hah, hah, hah, hahJ
f Panting f
[Record Scratching f
J Who iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dthp
J Marge iet her jugs outJ
J Lyoh, dth, dth, dth, dthp
J Who iet her jugs outJ I should've had this talk a long time ago. Thanks, Pop.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M,
N, "O-men-o," P, S.
Hi, I'm Homer Simpson. I need some guidance, Counselor.
Okeydokey.
Oh, good Lord. Simpson, you should have come to see me a long time ago.