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2.94sWhat? Come on, Dad. Whatev.
2.72sHey, why's it so hot in here? It's too hot in here.
2.4sWait a minute. An Ed Hardy T-shirt?
4.17sThat particular strain of douche bag didn't arise until 2007,
2.07swhile you were supposedly in your coma.
2.55sLook, get off my case, Dad! What do you want from me?
1.3sFine! Here's the truth!
2.14sI was never in any coma, okay? I bailed.
2.37sI faked my death and went AWOL.
2.47s(ALL GASP) I faked my own death once.
3.99s(PETER CHUCKLES) No dentist appointment for this guy.
3.84sSo, there it is. I'm not a war hero. I abandoned my platoon.