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1.68sHey, Kevin, can I see your Purple Heart?
1.6s'Cause I never actually seen one.
2.75sOne time this homeless guy showed me his purple head,
3.57sbut looking back, I'm not so sure that that was really a military thing.
2.77sPfft. I didn't want that stupid medal. You know what I did with it?
2sI threw it back over the White House fence.
4.69sWait a minute. I thought you said you flew straight home from Kuwait after you woke from your coma.
2.73sWhen did you throw your medal over the White House fence?
1.87s(STUTTERING) No, I told you, I flew to D.C.,
1.8sditched the medals, and flew home.
2.47sI guess that was just his dirty hobo penis, huh?
3.14sKevin, why would you want to get rid of your war medals like that?
1.63s'Cause it was a stupid war, you know?
4.74sAll it did was put me in a coma and kill one of my bunkmates and cripple the other one for life.
1.1s(STAMMERING) Wait a minute.
3.2sNow, I thought earlier you said that both of your bunkmates were killed.
2.27sNow you're saying only one of them was?
3.39sBut I just want you guys to know I barely even touched that penis at first.
2.94sWhat? Come on, Dad. Whatev.
2.72sHey, why's it so hot in here? It's too hot in here.
2.4sWait a minute. An Ed Hardy T-shirt?
4.17sThat particular strain of douche bag didn't arise until 2007,