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4.35sIn lieu of jail time, I sentence you to 100 hours of community service.
3.89s"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here "to join these two in holy matrimony.
2s"If anyone objects to this union,
3.39s"speak now or forever hold your peace."
1.7sQuiet down! You had your chance!
2.4sSo, What do you have to do for your community service?
3.05sI got assigned to the Outreach to the Elderly program.
3.35sI gotta take care of some old woman who hasn't been out of her house in 30 years.
2.82sWhen I got caught at school with my hand down my pants,
2.77sI had to keep it there for a whole week.
1.77sHa! What a week!
4.34sI don't know, I guess Taking care of this old woman'll be just like baby-sitting only with bigger diapers.
2.3sAh, ha! So they do make bigger diapers!
3.34sThat deceitful woman told me I'd have to learn to use the toilet.
2.97sWell, Fie on the toilet! It's made slaves of you all.
8.44sI've seen it sitting in there, lazy, slothful porcelain layabout feeding on other people's doo-doos while contributing nothing of its own to society!