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1.6sHelp me, please!
1.85sLet me have sex with Bonnie.
5.54s(SIGHS) I guess so. For my friend on our last day on Earth.
2.34sYou're a good man, Joe Swanson.
1.2sHow was your first time?
1.43sI've had sex lots of times.
1.4sI just wanted to have it again.
1.27sFuck you.
2.29sWho else but Quagmire?
2sWell, Diane, now that our time is almost up,
6.11sjust to lighten the mood, we introduce a new feature called Tom's Crank Calls. Let's dial that number, shall we?
1.93sHello, is this Megan Fox?
1.8sI will kill you, do you understand?
2.7sIf I can't have you, no one can. I will kill you.
2sThis is Tom Tucker.
2.23sWell, I know who you are.
3.3s(LAUGHS) It's fun to see how people react when they're on the spot.
8.24sLook, since these are our final hours, I want you kids to know how much your father and I love you and how important this family is to us.
3.1sOh, I'm scared. I wonder what it's like to die.
4.12sI don't know, but from the look in a stray cat's eyes when you're pushing on its windpipe,