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2.94sOne: Where's the fife? And two: Give me the Fife.
3.87sHey! Stop! I've got nothing but respect for the office of town crier,
2.04sbut this is well outside your jurisdiction.
3.64sOh, yeah? Well, put this in your Fife and smoke it.
1.53sWhat the--
4.67sThat's jebediah's secret confession. It proves he was a fraud.
0.7s
1.1s
3.17s"The Secret Confessions of jebediah Springfield."
5.1sOh. I think, Lisa, that you've been taken in by an obvious forgery.
3.44sUnfortunately, historical research is plagued by this sort of hoax.
1.87sThe so-called confession...
2.6sis just as phony as the Howard Hughes will,
3.1sthe Hitler diaries or the Emancipation Retraction.
4.7sBut it explains why there's no record of jebediah before 1795.
2.23sHe was Hans Sprungfeld until then.
3.37sThat's preposterous. Now get out.
2.84sYou're banned from this historical society.
4.64sYou and your children and your children's children.