4.5s"Know ye who read this, there is more to my life than history records."
3.4sFirstly, I did not tame the legendary buffalo.
2.23sIt was already tame. I merely shot it.
5.67sSecondly, I have not always been known as jebediah Springfield.
3.5sAnd the half-wits of this town will never learn the truth.
3.67sHa, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
2.27s"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"
3.27sOh, my God. Our town hero is a fraud.
2.87s"I write this confession so that my infamy will live on...
4.24slong after my body has succumbed to my infectious diphtheria."