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2.03sQuagmire, come on! I'm really trying hard here.
1.57sWho asked you to try hard?
2.77sNobody, but all... I'm trying to establish a friendship with you.
3.29sAll I've done is try to be nice to you and you still don't like me.
2.33sHow can you not like me?
3.34sOkay, I'll tell you. You are the worst person I know.
1.67sYou constantly hit on your best friend's wife.
2.4sThe man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death,
1.48sand this is how you repay him?
2.62sAnd to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard.
2.1sAnd you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing.
2.75sYou always say, "I'll get you later," but later never comes.
5.94sAnd what really bothers me is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos.
1.45sYeah. I date women for their bodies,
1.43sbut at least I'm honest about it.
7.02sI don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh-grade interpretation of how Holden Caulfield was some profound intellectual.
1.97sHe wasn't! He was a spoiled brat.
1.17sAnd that's why you like him so much.
2.15sHe's you. God, you're pretentious!
2.13sAnd you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer,
1.65seven though you're terrible.
1.77sYou know, I should have known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note.
1.97sShe would have known there's no "A" in the word "definite."