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2.49sBut, Mom, I've got to use the bathroom now!
3.56sI'm sorry, but your father gets incredibly filthy rolling around everywhere.
1.9sHe just has to take his 12 baths a day.
1.83sI don't like Dad anymore!
2.99sI invited some friends over to jump on him like a trampoline...
2.76s...but his roll of fat sucked up Ryan's shoe!
2.06sAnd his mom yelled at him when he got home!
4.13sAnd he beat me up at school the next day! It's all here in this pamphlet.
2.3sKids, we just have to learn to accept this.
2.83sLike one of those stories on Dateline where a family member...
3.96s...suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody.
4.13sSure they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside. They're dead.
2.13sAnd that'll be our lives.
4.16sWhat a big, boneless jerk I am! I might have screwed up my life...