Use the timeline below to select up to 20 seconds to watch or share.
2.42sHow's that, Hubert? Feeling better?
5sA good beaking usually cheers me right up, but today it's no use.
2.17sMy species is as good as extinct.
3.89sI haven't seen a female of my kind in over 100 years!
2.8sThere's got to be a lady tortoise out there for you, Hubert.
1.63sWhat about her?
4.35sHey, good lookin', I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'.
3.67sAre you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies!
3.32sSee how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck?
2.64s(SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker.
5.3sWell, haven't you ever met a girl tortoise who had that whole "same subspecies" thing going on?
4.17sOh my, yes. When I was a young tortoise of 50,
5.81sI met a hot young piece of shell by a Palo Santo tree on the far side of the island.
3.1sLet's go look for her! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
4.07sI've always wondered if she's still there, waiting for me.
2.54sBut the trip is far too long.