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2.08sDigital bathroom scales! Thanks, Ken.
4.27sThis just in, there has been a confirmed outbreak of goat flu at James Woods High School.
2.08sGoat flu? You got to be kidding me.
2.84sEvery year, the stupid media tries to scare us with this kind of thing,
1.5sand every year, it turns out to be nothing.
1.2sYeah, it's nothing.
1.4sI know. Every year, it's nothing.
1.93sWell, now, hang on. There might be something to this.
2.33sTOM: Health officials have said that a vaccine is not yet available.
1.72sAnd if you're not scared yet,
2.19shere's some footage of people sneezing at a salad bar.
1.08s(ALL SNEEZING)
1.5s
1.52sOh, dear.
2.14sHere's some footage of people licking subway turnstiles.
0.64s
1.8s
1.35sOh!
3.05sHere's some footage of a man with the flu making out with you while you're asleep.
2.27s
1.18sOh, my God!
1.52sWhile James Woods High remains open,
4.4sstudents are reminded to wash their hands frequently and watch for early signs of infection.
2sOh, my God. I got to get the kids out of there.
1.52sWhat? What are you talking about?
2.94sI'm talking about homeschooling, Brian. Just until the crisis is over.
1.5sPeter, that's a complete overreaction.
2.94sI don't think Lois would be happy if you pulled the kids out of school.