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2.3sElection night is so exciting.
2.07sI'm on pins and needles.
2.02sAnd I'm on Pepto and Xanax.
1.8sI'm so nervous I kissed my dog...
1.87sand gave my girlfriend a flea bath!
2.2sLaugh it up. That joke cost me a thousand bucks.
3.37sWe're ready to announce a winner in Springfield's 24th Congressional District.
3.1sIt's Republican candidate, Krusty the Clown!
1.55s
2.67sI won! I'm a senator!
2.2sCongressman. Whatever.
0.5s
1.62s
1.89sI swear to uphold and protect...
2.65sthe Constitution of these United States.
3.17sSo relax, gun nuts. I can't touch ya.
2.24s
5.1sI'd like to introduce a bill banning air travel over residential areas.
1.8sHey, hey!
1.72sWhat are you, an idiot?
2.1sFreshmen congressmen don't introduce squat!
2.8sHell, you gotta pee in a bucket till your second term!
2.95sBut how am I supposed to serve my constituents?
3.74sYou can start by scrubbing off some of this Capitol Hill graffiti.