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1.72sOh, Lord, here we go.
2.3sLook, please just show some humility,
2.63slike the other day when everything seemed hopeless.
6.71sBetter yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic...
2.24sActors to the set!
1.6sOkay, here's the scene.
1.72sCalculon learns his wife is unfaithful,
1.8swhines about how pathetic he is,
3.57skills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it?
4.7sOh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen.
5.09sI want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day.
5.17s(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself,
2.74sif I weren't the legendary Calculon,
2.67sthe greatest acting unit of all time!
3.59sThis show is about me! And it always has been!
7.11sNow, find the co-executive hack who wrote this drivel and tell him I want 37 more climactic speeches by lunch!