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3.17sMy fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom,
2sit's almost sickening.
2sWe're free to choose which hand...
2.34sour sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.
2.2sAnd if we don't want to pay our taxes, why,
2.87swe're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.
2.29sSee ya April 15th, folks.
2.58sCue the fireworks guy!
4.98s
3.04s
4.5sIncidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by...
2.03sShankman's Rubbing Compound.
2.77sWhen something needs rubbing, think Shankman.
1.77sYea, Shankman!
2.3sIt costs a little more, but it's worth it.
3.32sOur planet has been through so much this past year--
2.85swars, droughts, impeachments--
3.9sbut we've never lost our sense of what's truly important--
2.3sthe great taste of Charleston Chew.
2.84s