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3.55sNow I know the reason my life is so empty.
2.54sI never had a Bar Mitzvah.
3.2sCheer up, Krusty. You're a clue in the People magazine crossword puzzle.
1.87sWhat more can a man want?
3.99sBart, the Bar Mitzvah is the most important event in a Jewish boy's life.
2.09sIt's when he reads from the Torah and becomes a man.
1.7sThe sweet little shikse's right.
2.9sWithout a Bar Mitzvah, I'm just a boy
3.17swith a prostate the size of a goat's head!
3.07sKrusty, your dad's a rabbi. How could you not have had a Bar Mitzvah?
3.99sWho knows? I've lived so hard, there's big gaps in my memory.
2.03sI remember learning to ride a bike,
2.07sthen pretty much nothing till right now.
1.37sWhy don't we ask your dad?
5.19sYeah, right! My father will put this in a spiritual, philosophical context.
1.47sI'll tell you why you didn't have a Bar Mitzvah.
2.45sIt's because you're a puts. Everything is a joke to you.
2.12sI was afraid you'd make a mockery out of the whole ceremony,
2.17slike you're making a mockery out of me right now.
2.52sMaybe I am but you can't argue with the laughs.
1.79s
2.72sSo what? It's not my job to make kids laugh.