Use the timeline below to select up to 20 seconds to watch or share.
2.94sthey set aside their previous lives as individuals.
1.56sGive me a break.
2.66sWe're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.
1.26sOh, I get it,
2.06sNow that you know you could have had it better,
2.37syou resent me for holding you back.
2.49sWell, now that we know you think the tables are turning,
1.87swe know you thought there were unturned tables.
1.9sWhat are you talking about?
1.63sAll this time, you've been thinking, "what ifthat loser,
2.2sJerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?"
1.99s- Um...
- Well, now you know.
1.06sYou'd be a doctor. Whoop-de-do.
3.83sYou'd also be drinking wine alone in a house full of exotic birds.
2.8sAnd I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart.
2.33sYou thought about getting an abortion?
1.43sEveryone thinks about it,
1.93sObviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it,
2.99sso you're welcome.
Yeah, you're welcome.
1.59sYeah, thank you guys so much.
5.1sIt's a real treat to be raised by parents that forced themselves to be together instead of being happy.
2.09sHey, do we have any wafer cookies?
1.23sMmm!
1.13sOh, boy,
3.26sLooks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives and realizing you don't have it as good, huh?