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2.8sMAN ON TV: We now return to Woody Allen's Bananas Over Broadway.
4.54sI hate it when Woody casts another actor in a role he's supposed to play, 'cause they always act like him.
1.27sWhat're you talking about?
2.07sI thought Patrick Stewart was great as Melvin Shiverman.
3.9sYou know, Nietzsche says we're doomed to live the same life over and over again,
4.2s(CLEARS THROAT) which is bad news because it means I have to sit through the Ice-Capades again.
1.87sChange it to Fox News! It's time for Rhonda Latimer.
1.57s(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION) Again, Peter?
1.37sYou have a wife, you know.
1.43sLois, if it makes you feel any better,
2.87sI'm thinking about her every time I masturbate to her.
4.84sAnd we also want to remind you that Fox News switches to high definition starting Monday.
2.4sAw, crap! Does this mean we gotta get a new TV?
1.43sLooks that way. Great.
2.44sI need another expense like I need a hole in the head,
1.7sand I don't need that.
2.1sI'm telling you, this thing has turned out to be nothing but a burden.
2.57sOh, my God! Peter! When did you get that?
1.87sEh, a few of the fellows at work talked me into it,
1.27ssaid it was something I might need.
1.6sWell, it's horrible!
2.8sAnd the worst thing is I found out I got it on the gay side.
1.6sHey, are you coming out tonight?
2.54sI'm not gay! They put the hole in the wrong side.