Use the timeline below to select up to 20 seconds to watch or share.
1.37sYou have a wife, you know.
1.43sLois, if it makes you feel any better,
2.87sI'm thinking about her every time I masturbate to her.
4.84sAnd we also want to remind you that Fox News switches to high definition starting Monday.
2.4sAw, crap! Does this mean we gotta get a new TV?
1.43sLooks that way. Great.
2.44sI need another expense like I need a hole in the head,
1.7sand I don't need that.
2.1sI'm telling you, this thing has turned out to be nothing but a burden.
2.57sOh, my God! Peter! When did you get that?
1.87sEh, a few of the fellows at work talked me into it,
1.27ssaid it was something I might need.
1.6sWell, it's horrible!
2.8sAnd the worst thing is I found out I got it on the gay side.
1.6sHey, are you coming out tonight?
2.54sI'm not gay! They put the hole in the wrong side.
0.57s
2.53s
2.14sAll right, family. The wait is over.
3.4sI give you hi-def television!
1.67sOoh! Can I have the box?
3sLook at me! I'm an Iraq War vet in 10 years.
1.87sNo, we're gonna take good care of them.
2.07sWow! Look at that HD picture!
3.67sYeah. It's so clear you can even see Ellen DeGeneres' breath.