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3.02sNow over to Kent Brockman with some grim economic news.
3.72sScott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office.
3.14sJoblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors.
2.43sUseful people are starting to feel the pinch.
3.37sI haven't been able to find a job in six years.
1.93sHuh. And what training do you have?
3.17sFive years of modern dance. Six years of tap.
1.94sThe economic slump began last spring,
2.27swhen the government closed Fort Springfield,
3.29sdevastating the city's liquor and prostitution industries.
1.85sNow, at the risk of being unpopular,
3.7sthis reporter places the blame for all this squarely on you, the viewers.
2.67sI propose that I use what's left of the town treasury...
2.94sto move to a more prosperous town and run for mayor.
0.45sAnd once elected, I will send for the rest of you.
1.58sExcuse me, Mr. Mayor?
3.89sThe chair recognizes the little chick with the gleam of hope in her eyes.
3.65sThis piggy bank contains $15 I saved from my allowance.