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3.05sBender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar.
1.74sAnd a flannel shirt.
2.54sI claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew.
2.7sIt must be interesting to win a knife fight.
1.43sI wouldn't know.
3.55sThe point is, do you even know any actual folk songs?
2.7sPfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain.
2.69sWhere's the money in that? I'll just make up my own.
4.39sBut, robot, you can't just make up folk songs like you can a medical diploma.
1.75sThey have to come from the heart.
1.77sWrong again, Zoidberg.
4.54sWhile you were yakking, I downloaded every folk song in the universe and analyzed them.
2.89sThere are only a few basic patterns.
5.7sFor example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something.
1.3sNext slide, please.
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7.83s75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler.
1.67sThere's a lot more, but in the end,