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3.77sWow, Jesus Christ at our dinner table.
1.37sI still can't get over it.
1.87sI'm actually glad you're all here tonight.
3.64sI want to tell you that one of you will betray me.
1.6s(LAUGHING) Just kidding!
3.14s(LAUGHS) He's doing that thing he did in the storybook.
2.27sSo, Jesus, finish that story you were telling us.
1.23sOh. All right, all right.
2.37sSo there I was, they'd just beaten me senseless,
2.9sstuck thorns in my head, nailed me to a piece of wood,
3.14sshoved a sponge full of vinegar in my mouth and killed me.
3.57sThen they put me in a hole with a rock in front of it for two whole days,
2.6sand come Sunday, bam, I rise from the dead.
3.04sOkay, that sounds like a nutty weekend, but I can top it.
3.2sSo, me and Cleveland and Joe are just wrecked on Southern Comfort, right?
1.83sWe know we're gonna puke, but Joe says,
1.9s"Hey, let's go see Chronicles of Riddick."
2.07sSat through the whole thing without puking,
3.64sthen I get home, wouldn't you know, I lost my glasses.
1.87sPeter one, Jesus zero.
1.87sYou know, Jesus, if I go get my cell phone,
2.67swould you mind talking to my friend Muriel Goldman?
2.34sI really just want to stick this up her ass.