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2.84sTonight's top story, local record-shop employee, Jesus Christ,
2.44swas found in Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment this morning,
1.67sface down and unconscious.
2.37sPolice revived and arrested the disoriented Jesus,
1.47swho was quoted as saying,
2.84s"Jews are responsible for all the world's wars."
2.03sBrian, you think that's our Jesus?
3.8s(PHONE RINGING) Griffin residence. Peter speaking.
3sOh, yeah? Why should I?
1.73sYeah? Well, get someone else to bail you out,
2.54s'cause it ain't gonna be me.
2.34sYeah, well, what are you gonna do about it?
0.93sAll right, I'm coming!
1.35s
2.51s
2.23sJesus Christ, look at you!
3.37sYou had it all, money, fame, eternal life,
2.43sthe perfect hand for masturbating, and you blew it!
1.37sYou let it all go to your head!
1.4sI know, Peter.
1.84sI guess it turns out I'm just as human as anyone else.
1.29s
2sYeah, well, what do we do now?
1.5sYou want the truth?
1.77sI think it's time for me to go.