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1.5sHey, you, it's Peter.
2.2sWhat the hell? We were supposed to do something today.
2.67sI forgot to tell you, I have a doctor's appointment today.
2.1sI'm actually there now.
2.47sMAN 1: Hey, look! Lindsay Lohan just took her top off!
3sWOMAN: Hey, I just drank a beer! Who wants to do me?
1.3s- MAN 1: I do!
- MAN 2: Me too!
1.83sMAN 3: I just did you, but I'll go again!
1.4sI got to go.
2.3sCan you believe the way Jesus is treating me?
1.27sI thought he was my friend.
3.47sLook, fame and success do crazy things to people, Peter.
3.17sI'm sure, deep down, he's still the same old Jesus.
2.3sHe may just need to figure that out in his own way.
6.14sMaybe. But one thing's for sure, Lois, none of this would've happened if somebody hadn't stolen my fucking Surfin' Bird record!
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2.84sTonight's top story, local record-shop employee, Jesus Christ,
2.44swas found in Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment this morning,
1.67sface down and unconscious.
2.37sPolice revived and arrested the disoriented Jesus,
1.47swho was quoted as saying,
2.84s"Jews are responsible for all the world's wars."