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3.34sANNOUNCER: This is Channel Five News, Texas, with Duke Dillon.
2.4sHowdy, Texas, I'm Duke Dillon.
1.07sAt the top of the news tonight,
5.54sauthorities have called off their pursuit of a fugitive Rhode Island baby who was thought to be possessed by the devil.
1.67sOh, thank God.
9.01sThis turn of events came after Vatican scientists announced today that the devil is not the greatest threat to salvation due to last week's discovery of the super devil.
1.93sReligion reporter Dallas Houston has the story.
1.8sWell, let me try to give you a clear picture of what we're dealing with here.
2.84sHere's a photo of the devil, and here's the super devil.
2.47sNow, as you can see, there are some significant differences.
2.7sThe super devil is at least 6 inches taller.
5.34sHe has a flying motorcycle and a jar of marmalade that we believe forces you to commit adultery.
1.6sThanks a lot, Dallas.
2.27sLooks like we've all got something new to be afraid of.
3.67sEveryone, it's over. We can go back to Quahog.