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4.57sHi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such public service videos as...
2.12sDesignated Drivers: The Lifesaving Nerds...
3.25sand Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness.
4.4sI'm here today to give you the skinny on shoplifting, thereby completing my plea bargain...
2.7swith the good people at Foot Locker of Beverly Hills.
3.05sShoplifting began here in ancient Phoenicia.
2.2sThieves would literally lift the corner of a shop...
3.35sin order to snatch the sweet, sweet olives within.
2.74sOh, Sheheqazaramesh, will you ever learn?
4.47sFlash forward to ancient Babylonia. All right, show's over.
3.74sUh, excuse me-- You think you're pretty smart, don't you?
2.15sNo. Don't smart off to me, smart guy.
2.6sI-i-i could pay for the game. I-i'll pay for it!
4.47sYou know, that kind of mush might fly at Lamps Plus, but don't peddle it here.
2.14sIf I wanted smoke blown up my ass,
2.39sI'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.
4.44sThat's it, Mr. Comedian. I'm calling your parents.