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3.87sOh, damn. I left my cell phone up at that monkey-kid barbecue.
1.8sI thought you said it was a father-son barbecue.
1.43sYeah. But it was up in Monkeykid.
1.35s(SHOUTING) What?
2.67sBoy, you guys have been awful quiet this morning.
3.3sLois, could you ask Chris to pass the maple syrup?
3.49sMeg, could you tell Dad that he's too fat to need extra syrup?
5.1sLois, could you tell Chris that I'm sorry I ever planted the seed version of him in your vagina?
1.37sI want you two to stop this.
2.3sThis is no way for a father and son to act.
1.43sWell, according to him,
2.27sthat stupid monkey's more of a father to him than I am.
2.4sHe makes time for me, and you never do!
3.44sYou're supposed to love me and all you do is hurt me!
2.6sThis morning, I had a hard poo that hurt, but then it felt great.
1.63sMeg, I'm trying to be mad right now,
2.07sbut that's making me want to smile.