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5.1s(BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC) Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
3.9sPlease welcome our next guest, Mr. James Woods. Oh, James.
3.87s(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Wait a minute, you're not James Woods.
1.53sOh, I believe I am.
3.4sDriver's license, Social Security card, American Express.
1.47sWhat the hell is he doing?
1.97sWow, I guess you are James Woods.
3.14sSo, now, let me understand this, what are you here to promote, James?
3.97sWell, Dave, I have a hilarious new movie coming out on HBO next month.
1.3sIt's all about 9/11.
3.34sThe movie's called September 11, 2000-Fun.
4.24s(ALL GASPING) No! No, no, no, no!
2.87sJames, that sounds unbelievably offensive to Americans.
2.17sWell, you haven't heard what the movie is about.
5.17sI play a window washer who has just finished washing the last window of the World Trade Center.
2.2sAnd then I turn around to get off the scaffold,
2.63sand what do you think I see coming? A plane.
2.3sAnd I go, "Come on!"
2.1sYou know, it's real, real old-style comedy.