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3sYou took a big risk coming here, man. James Woods could be back any minute.
1.27sI know. How fast can you do it?
1.13sAs fast as Spider-Man when he gets laid.
1.51s
1.7sOh, God, I'm so sorry.
2.7sThat's never happened to me before. It's just...
2.3sYou're so attractive and it's been a while.
1.63sI'm gonna go.
2.34sYou know, some people say that's good for your hair.
1.07sWOMAN: Yeah, thanks.
1.44s
5.1s(BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC) Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
3.9sPlease welcome our next guest, Mr. James Woods. Oh, James.
3.87s(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Wait a minute, you're not James Woods.
1.53sOh, I believe I am.
3.4sDriver's license, Social Security card, American Express.
1.47sWhat the hell is he doing?
1.97sWow, I guess you are James Woods.
3.14sSo, now, let me understand this, what are you here to promote, James?
3.97sWell, Dave, I have a hilarious new movie coming out on HBO next month.
1.3sIt's all about 9/11.
3.34sThe movie's called September 11, 2000-Fun.
4.24s(ALL GASPING) No! No, no, no, no!
2.87sJames, that sounds unbelievably offensive to Americans.