The Simpsons
S16E21: The Father, the Son & the Holy Guest Star
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I swiped a bolted down TV from a Holiday Inn,
I coveted the wife in Jaws 2, I lied to a waiter,
I masturbated eight billion times,
and I have no plans to stop masturbating in the future.
Whoo-hoo! I'm clean! In your face, Lord!
Um, not quite, Mr. Simpson.
I can only absolve you if you're a Catholic.
Right. And how do I join?