The Simpsons

S13E19: The Sweetest Apu

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Really? Provided you complete these tasks. "Number one, break up with Squishee girl." Well, that's a no-brainer. "Number two, lose weight. "Number three, get cartoon published in New Yorker. "Number four, legally change name to 'Slime Q. Slimedog.' Number five, wear name tag that says same."